I’m going to tell you a story I’ve contemplated telling for some time now…. Some of you may know and some of you may not know but I am a Step Mom. It has been BY FAR one of the most difficult challenges of my life. That’s saying a lot for me since I was also a teenage mother. However, I can confidently tell you one thing. Being a teenage mother was ten times easier. I’ve waited a long time (for the perfect time really) to tell you this story and it’s finally come…. So take a seat and relax. Grab your tea. We’re about to sort through this box of receipts.

I knew I would marry my husband months before we actually ever met. Not in the sense that I saw him, fell head over heels and thought I WANT HIM! It was more like scoping out the room, seeing him for the first time and saying to myself “For all I know that guy could be my husband…”. That was probably when I first started to notice him.

How I met my husband? I still remember it like it was yesterday…. I remember my first date with him. We went to lunch because I didn’t want the pressure of dinner and an actual date. We were both coming out of long relationships so I figured slow was best. We had amazing conversation. We talked about life, our goals, where we saw our future and everything in-between. Afterwards, as we walked hand in hand back to his car he made the first move. He leaned me against the drivers side door and went in for the kiss. HE got the cheek lol. We laugh about it now but in all honesty he didn’t get the cheek because I wasn’t into him. He got the cheek because I WAS into him and it was scary. I saw my whole future in him. It was at that point I turned around and saw all the scratches along the side of his car. I looked at him. “What are these?” I asked and he paused. For a split second I saw sadness cross his face. He said, “Remember the story I told you about my car getting keyed?”. Then it all came back…

He’d told me many stories about his previous marriage and why he’d chosen to end it. ALL understandable. I remember being shocked when he told me his ex wife had been arrested twice and that he had an active restraining order against her. The first arrest happened when he’d told her for the second time he wanted to leave her for good. He had been planning this get-a-way for a whole month before he actually did it. Of course I’ll tell you more on how it came to this later but just know he was extremely justified. He’s not really one for conflict you will see as this story goes on. So he packed up all his things, grabbed their son and was hoping to be gone before she got home from praise dance practice. However, as luck would have it, he was leaving just as she was coming home. They had already had an existing custody order in place from the first time they’d split so “technically” it was his time to have his son. At that time, the apartment they lived in had a gated entrance and exit. She spotted him coming out of the exit and drove her car at his (Honda Accord at the time) to block him from leaving. She stopped right in the middle of the gate and got out as it was literally trying to close over and over again on her car. She got out screaming. She asked where he was going and he told her he was leaving to go stay with his grandmother for while. She had two weeks to get all her stuff out of the apartment. He was done. She then started screaming that he wasn’t taking her son and refused to move her car so he could leave. My husband is not the type to EVER put his hands on a woman so he called the police. The police arrived and he showed his custody papers that proved his son was suppose to be with him. They told him he could go. SHE. WENT. NUTS. Long story short, she hit the police officer and was immediately detained. That was the first time.

The second arrest happened when they were still separated. She’d somehow gotten the idea in her head that he was seeing one of the teachers at their son’s school. She decided to call and ask for a meeting deeming it “inappropriate”. The school scheduled separate meetings with my husband and his ex wife to clear it up. His meeting was first and hers was second. Of course he wasn’t seeing anyone at the school and both he and the accused teacher cleared that up but she didn’t care to hear any of it. When the meeting was over he got in his car to leave. As he was driving out of the school lot, she was coming in. AGAIN she drove her car at his telling him to move as if she couldn’t drive around him. Their cars were nose to nose. He backed up attempting to drive around her but she kept driving forward so he couldn’t. Once he stopped she got out of her car and went up to his car and started tapping on the window. She was screaming all types of profanities at him. From previous experience he knew where this was going so he called the police while he was still sitting in his car.

When he got them on the phone he explained what was going on. While explaining, he got out of his car and ran into the school. She followed him. As she was following him she started clawing at him. Scratching at the side of his face and his arms too trying to take the phone out of his hands. He still has those scars… She followed him into the school and down the hallways. When that didn’t work she ran back out side. He had just gotten a brand new Chrysler 300. In her fit of rage with all her anger she started keying and scratched up the entire side of his brand new car. He saw what she was doing through the door of the school and told the police. I still can’t believe how well he held his composure in those moments. While most men would have let her have it, he still never laid a finger on her. While he was bleeding in multiple places from her attack, she didn’t have one mark on her body from him. He waited inside the school until the police came. When they got there they arrested her again and that would be how she lost custody of her son and my husband came to have an active restraining order against her. If you are familiar with domestic violence cases then you know if a man hits a woman he’s getting arrested. Period! Whether she wants him to or not. You might also know how hard it is to get a mother’s custody revoked. Knowing these stories will be key in understanding everything I’m going to tell you next.     

When he first told me these stories I was shocked. I thought this chick is crazy! I felt so bad for him. No one deserved what he’d gone through. Who was I to judge him?

I guess that should have been my first indication that things wouldn’t always be peachy. I also should have taken this behavior into account when envisioning the life I thought I would have with my husband. However, I thought what any strong-willed and dominant woman would think. I can handle her.

Let’s pause and take a second right here to ponder what my 23 year old self should have considered at the time. These questions will make more sense as this story goes…

• How long had he been separated?

• Was his divorce final?

• What type of woman was she?

• Would she present problems in the future?

• AM I EQUIPPED FOR THIS????

But I didn’t really. Not even a second thought. I jumped right in spread eagle like I could fly.

Coming from a blended family myself I knew there were struggles. However, coming from a child’s perspective (assuming the adults in your life shielded you properly) there was no way I could have known HOW MUCH would come along with it. I meeeean you’re talking to a girl that use to go spend the night with my step sister at her mom’s house when it was her weekend. That was totally normal for me growing up. So when I discovered my future husband to be had a small child I thought to myself “Great! How hard could this possibly be? We’ll just raise them together. One big happy family!”…. Boooooooy do look back now and laugh at my 23 year old self. What a naive, inexperienced, DUMB, rookie thought. But to be fair, it always starts out so pretty.

In the beginning it was almost as if we were in our own little world. He had met my children and I had met his. They got along GREAT! He met my family, I met his and all I could think to myself was “Wow! Could this be any more perfect?”. Our Sundays were filled with church, socializing with family and friends. Lazy afternoons turned evenings by the pool, and I felt nothing but joy and excitement all the time. I thought this was pretty much how it would always be. Then I met HER….