“She’s not supposed to be here.” -Ex Wife

Not only did I miss the rest of his son’s season for basketball, I missed the entire next season of football as well. You know… it almost broke us. The games were every Saturday. I would find myself slowly becoming angry around Thursday evening. My conversations with him would become distant and I would subsequently rush him off the phone early. By Friday I would hardly answer my phone at all. He may or may not be able to reach me by text. Come Saturday my anger would be searing white hot. I wouldn’t even be able to talk to him. He would try so hard to get me to come around for days. Sending me sweet messages, surprise flowers, etc… and around Sunday evening, sometimes Monday I’d come back around. The following week the same vicious cycle would repeat. We would have some amazing days together followed by some very dark ones. I knew we were both doing this for all the right reasons but I just couldn’t wrap my mind around the fact that my actions were being controlled by someone other than me. I knew his ex wife was relishing in the ONE THING she was actually able to control. Well played girl, well played. However, worst still would be that she used a child to do it. Narcissistic. Selfish. Bitter. Angry. The only words I could think to describe her.

Let’s pause right here for a few admissions…

All anger aside my feelings were extremely hurt by this woman. I came into the picture trying to be the best human I could possibly be to this little boy. I know from experience how difficult divorce can be as a child. My entire goal was to make it easy as possible and as pleasant as possible for him. I had done absolutely nothing to this woman but refuse to walk away from the man I love. At the end of the day the dissolution of their marriage was between the two of them. Born from choices they had both made collectively and it had nothing to do with me. I came after the choice was already made. However she relentlessly attacked me as if I were the sole reason. The other woman. The mistress. Maybe seeing things that way helped resolve and minimize the guilt and responsibility she felt for the outcome. But I didn’t deserve the way she treated me. With her coming from a completely different blended family background you would think she’d understand her problems with me could have been much worse. Yet it didn’t seem she appreciated any of my effort. True is the saying “hurt people” hurt people. She was hurting so in turn she hurt and lashed out at me. She was also (unintentionally I’m sure) hurting her son as well. Even though she would try (more on this later) I would soon realize no matter what, I would always be her trigger.

After about a month and a half of this vicious cycle I told my husband I couldn’t be with him any more. It was too much for me. If this was the life I had to look forward to I didn’t want it. It wasn’t her actions that bothered me as much as his vulnerability to being manipulated. If he couldn’t put a stop to her then I wasn’t willing to stick around and try. We were broken up for 2 weeks. I didn’t answer any of his calls or texts. My anger wouldn’t let me. Yet still anger only keeps you warm at night for so long. After those two weeks had passed unbearable sadness kicked in. It would be during this time that he sends a long heartfelt email. In this email he would tell me how sorry he was, he loved me and that I was the best thing to happen to him. He wanted a future with me. He would explain that if I was patient with him for just a while longer he would fix everything. By the end of the email I would be in tears. It was clear love wasn’t the issue. There was so much between us. So as a result I would tell him I was open. I couldn’t guarantee him anything but I was willing to try. The last game of the season came and went and just like that football season was done. Basketball wouldn’t start for a few months.

It would be over those months we work on repairing the damage done to our relationship and we would finally get back to a good place. A great place actually. Not having to see her that regularly would do wonders. We started doing more as a family again and it was pretty much back to bliss. It would also be over those months we’d hear about his ex wife’s adventures in dating. Lol I gotta tell you... When we heard she’d starting seeing other men it was like Christmas! One exchange in particular she would actually bring one of the guys, let’s call him Marcus, to drop off their son. I think she expected my husband to flip but in actuality it had the opposite effect. We were THRILLED! Could this be it? What we’d been waiting for?!? IS THIS THE DISTRACTION SHE NEEDED?? Nah. Not so much. The first few guys wouldn’t stick. However, a month or so after the last guy we’d come to meet “the one”. THAT was the guy I thought would set us free from her. I thought he’d change everything. But it didn’t work out that way. He was a mess all on his own. Things she probably still doesn’t know to this day. All his antics in his personal life and with us would do the situation no favors. But more on that later…

Basketball season would start and about 3 weeks into it my husband’s son would fall sick. It started off as what we thought would be a normal cold. Worst case scenario just a mild flu. I stayed home with him the first day he was sick. He seemed mildly under the weather at first. He laid on the couch and slept most of the day. My husband would leave to run some errands and then to coach basketball practice later in the evening while I stayed home with him. I remember him waking from his nap telling me he had to use the bathroom so I told him to get up an go. This is when I realized there was a problem. He tried to get up but he couldn’t stand. I ended up having to carry him to the bathroom to use it. While he did I called his dad and told him we needed to take him to urgent care. You know, just to make sure everything was ok. He came home shortly after. I carried his son back from the bathroom, laid him on the couch, put his shoes on and his jacket too then waited for his dad to get there.

When he got home we put him in the car and drove him to urgent care. On our way there he texted his son’s mom to let her know what was going on and that he would keep her posted. Or actually I did because he was driving but as him. We got there and after a once over from the Dr. they determined he was dehydrated. They wanted to hook him up to an IV but I don’t think he’d ever had an IV before so he was terrified. It took me many promises, much convincing and lots of hand holding to get him to let the Dr. do the IV. I had to hold him in my lap. As I was doing that his dad was on the phone with his son’s mother letting her know what was going on. She asked if she should come and he told her he didn’t think it was necessary. We thought he’d get this IV and after it was done we’d just take him back home. Unfortunately, since the IV didn’t change his hydration levels they decided to admit him into the hospital. He called his son’s mother again to let her know so she could meet us up there. It was during that call she’d find out I had been with them at the Dr. the whole time and completely flip out. She accused him of not telling her to come because I was there and although that was not the case she wouldn’t hear reason. Again Assumptions. She told him I better not be at the hospital when she got there or she’d have security remove me. Again WOW. She also made a huge deal about me being left alone with him to watch him. What a shinning example of a great mother.

When my husband told me what she said I was floored. I just couldn’t believe this was the type of person and situation we were dealing with. Why couldn’t his son have the support of everyone who loved him? She was so threatened by me it was ridiculous. In lieu of saying thank you for taking care of my son I got a big fat “Fuck You” instead. I wish I could see your face when I tell you what happened next… Not only did I get that but (WAIT FOR IT) when he arrived at the hospital she came walking in with her BOYFRIEND! The guy she’d only been with less than a month. So let me get this straight…. A guy who’s practically a stranger and has no relationship with your son can be there but I can’t? Someone who at this point had been in his life 2 years helping to take care of him? Okay… I’m sure my husband was concerned about how I’d react when he told me but still he called to tell me anyway. When I found out I. WAS. DOOOONE! She had this dude all in the hospital room while my husband had to confirm his personal information and my husband had no clue who this guy even was. Yet I couldn’t be there… Now the way my personality is set up, had I been in my husbands shoes this wouldn’t have happened. He can be too passive for his own good sometimes. But I understand why he didn’t react. He was considering his son first unlike her.

They stayed the night in the hospital and he basically slept in his car with me on the phone while popping in periodically to check on his son. He tried to be out of that room away from her as much as possible. During their stay she would have other family and friends come visit while I was still forbidden from coming. What a class act. My husband’s fury would build and from that point on he would decide he was doing whatever he wanted. While in the hospital the first night he would end up having a conversation with her about the little stunt she pulled and make clear to her she wasn’t running a thing. When she brought her boyfriend she knew exactly what she was doing. I just don’t think she realized with one move and one choice she would loose all of her leverage. I’d say he held it together quite well. I myself had a hard time containing my anger but it was a blessing in disguise. Patience… All I had to have was patience. She would ruin herself. That would be the stunt that killed her entire game.

Basketball season had already started a few weeks prior but when his son was well enough to play again one thing would change. Do you know who would be sitting pretty front and center at his very first game back? ME. She would already be sitting in the bleachers with her boyfriend as I walked in right pass her. I’d be cheesing hard as hell just daring her to say something. Petty I know but could you blame me? Of course she would show up with her boyfriend and apparently a ball sack the size of Texas because she would actually have the NERVE to try and confront my husband over me being there. Unsuccessfully. The rest of the season would happen and she would have no choice but to sit there and deal with it. What would also take place is her boyfriend’s first (not last) little indiscretion. Not sure if she ever found out about it but if she did in my opinion she should have called it quits there. But more on that later. Football season would come next and with it some news. Everything she felt to her core would come crashing down right into her face, crystalline for the world to see and her boyfriend it seems would be none the wiser.