It was June before I knew it and we were halfway through the year. School was coming to an end for the kids and summer was upon us. It would be in July his ex-wife find out about her husband’s indiscretions. Around July 4th to be exact. She would find some information on his phone that shouldn’t be there and well, it would all be downhill from there. However, I do suspect instead of finding out all at once she would find out in stages. As time went on and more questions were asked, more would come to light. As previously stated, the woman went to her church as well as also being on the same praise dance team. Her husband was also involved in the same ministry as a mime so you can imagine how often they all may have been in dance practices together. How could you with good conscious dance to encourage praise and attempt to set the atmosphere to lead others to Christ when you have your wife on one side and your mistress on the other? To this day my mind is still blown. One Sunday morning in particular, in a fresh fit of rage, pregnant and armed with new information she would go up to the church and confront this woman. I’m sure had she not been pregnant a physical fight would have ensued and for once yet again I don’t blame her. I can only imagine what a mess that turned out to be.

Pregnancy is supposed to be the most joyous time in your life. Yes it’s physically hard on your body and it can come with its own set of complications, but beyond that, caring for your growing baby and enjoying the experience with your partner should be your only concern. For her, it seemed her pregnancy would be plagued with betrayal. Finding out she was pregnant and then having all of this come to light almost immediately after would be the most unfortunate part. I’m sure had she not been pregnant her marriage would have been over. However, since she was I believe that to be the reason she decided to move forward and work it out. At this point, she’d allowed her husband to insert himself into situations repeatedly, insult her son’s very present father and overstep so many boundaries. Imagine the shame that would come with admitting defeat, ending up divorced for the 2nd time, only now newly pregnant and alone.

My now son had started up football once again but things would be different this time. His mother, once a normal fixture at everything, would be noticeably absent pretty much the entire season. I would see her at exactly 2 games maybe 3 the entire time. It seemed not only was the pregnancy taking a toll on her but the betrayal was as well. The few times she would be present I would see a very palpable wall up between her and her husband. That thing might as well have been made of steel for how solid it was. They never touched, showed affection to or even looked at each other directly in the eye when speaking. She generally seemed as if she were merely tolerating him. I can’t even tell you how many times I’d spotted him talking to the side of her face, her lips moving in response as she stared straight ahead refusing to look at him. It was very clear she wanted nothing to do with him or to be anywhere near him. The tension was so distinct I would’ve bet any amount of money had he reached out to touch her she would’ve moved. I knew that look. I knew that disposition. It was exactly how she treated me. But this time I was in a 100% agreement with her. She was justified. Even despite all she’d done to me, my heart went out to her.

All of the things she normally would have made a big deal about were no longer issues. My husband stopped receiving constant calls at all hours of the day and night. Texts about me and what I was doing disappeared. Aside from scheduling pickups and drop offs we never heard from her. In a matter of weeks, it seemed our life was almost completely normal for once. I could only imagine the shame she was going through behind everything she’d just found out so for the time being I also kept her husband’s indiscretions to myself. I didn’t even share them with my husband. He just knew she wasn’t bugging him and he was happy. He had no idea why. I also felt extremely grateful for the reprieve though the cost of it was awful. It would be late August 2012 I decide to put my heart into action. She was about 4 months pregnant at this point and our son had fallen sick again. It was a pretty bad flu. One morning as I was pulling up to my home from a trip to Starbucks she pulled up as well to drop him off. I collected my coffee and as I was walking to my door she called me over. I flashed back to the last time I tried to care for her sick son. She said good morning, handed me his medicine and went on to explained the dosages. My coffee was midway to my mouth as I stood there frozen in shock. Forget the fact that she’d never even politely spoken to me at all. She NEVER discussed anything that even remotely resembled a parenting duty with me. Stunned, I had no idea what to do but stand there and nod my head at everything she was saying.

I literally felt as though I were experiencing an alternate universe where things were actually normal. Careful not to make any sudden movements as to disturb this perfectly healthy and normal blended family scene, I said thank you, told her I would let my husband know everything she’d just told me and said goodbye. When I got into the house with our son my husband seemed surprised to not have gotten a call from her to come out and get him. I laid him down on the bed and came out to tell him what had happened. When I told him he was also in shock. Who was this woman and what had she done with is ex-wife??? I don’t know if it were the personal battles wearing her down or the pregnancy but I appreciated this newfound normalcy. I also appreciated her taking the first step to peace. She really didn’t have to. She could’ve used all she was going through, hormones and all to try and justify even poorer behavior but she didn’t. To show my appreciation I accepted her olive branch and extended one of my own. A couple hours later I would send her a message unbeknownst to my husband updating her on her son. I knew if I told him what I wanted to do he would tell me not to for fear of her anger. However, I knew the lack of communication was the problem in the first place so I took a risk.

Me: “Hey, I just wanted to let you know [son] has taken his first dose of meds and is now resting. He’s been sleep for a few hours. I knew you’d probably be concerned about him so I figured I’d let you know. I hope that’s ok.”

Her: “Is this Jill?”

Me: “Yes :-)”

Her: “Oh ok I don't have your number stored. Thank you I was concerned I actually just text [Father] asking how he was doing. Oh and please don't let him stay under the covers too much that's when his fever spikes. Thanks again for the update tell him I love him.”

Me: “Of course! I’ll let him know.”

Her: “Thank you :-)”

… and the risk would pay off. This was a good step. The very next day she would text me again asking me how he was doing and we’d engage in a brief but friendly conversation back and forth. My husband, of course, was not able to wipe the shock off his face. I would confess to him that I’d sent a message the day before updating her in the hopes it would ease the tension. He was apprehensive about the whole thing but didn’t really say much since it was working out. He had too much history with her to trust her behavior to be consistent. But I had hope. The lack of conflict also did wonders for his anxiety. Even though she would miss most of the football season, the newfound peace we’d forged would allow me to feel comfortable taking the initiative to send photos, videos, and updates so she still felt like she was there. I basically did what I would want if in the same position and it all worked out. Although she was still dealing with the betrayal of her husband on her end and the emotional roller coaster I’m sure that brought on, for the first time in EVER, on our end we had peace.

From that point on, every time we’d engage in chit chat about our shared son it became more and more friendly. In the initial stages, when I would see her in person, the most I felt comfortable saying was hello and goodbye. Because of all the very public conflict we’d had previously, I sometimes felt there were a million eyes on us when we’d talk publicly. This idea could exist purely in my head but I felt as if people were waiting to see something else pop off. But text was different. In text I was able to be myself a bit more. None of the pressure of other people watching and none of the face to face anxiety I typically felt. I almost feel she was more comfortable that way too because her texts had a completely different tone and vibe from when I’d see her in person. Initially. Finally, during one of our check-in conversations, I would say it out loud.

Me: “He had such a great game today! He’s been so sick it’s nice to finally see him back to himself again. I also wanted to tell you how much I really enjoyed being able to talk to you at the game and have normal conversation without all the tension. It’s nice.”

Her: “Yea he doesn't miss a beat! Lol....honestly so did I it's much nicer
without the tension. Time and prayer heals all things. :-) tell him I love
him. Have a good night :-)”

I NEVER engaged in conversation with her husband though. I would maybe say hello to be polite but the truth was I didn’t like him one bit because of what he’d done to her. It really showed a lot about his character. Although she’d found out about some of his more major indiscretions I still feel it’s possible I had knowledge of things she didn’t know. Nonetheless, all knowledge of anything at all I had, I’d keep to myself locked in a vault. I would not be the one responsible for rocking that boat further. I also often wondered if he knew I had that knowledge because down the line he’d definitely have no hesitation coming after me personally. He would show himself to be way too comfortable addressing me directly on repeated occasions. More on that later.

For the next several months and all during her pregnancy things stayed like this. Although we had small talk at games I still kept a pretty decent distance because I felt more comfortable that way. It wasn’t too long ago we were at each other’s throats and I still didn’t know her that well. I also didn’t want to make my husband uncomfortable either because the whole situation was still weird to him. When he looked at her he still saw this irrational, unpredictable woman under the surface. I saw things differently but it wasn’t like I hadn’t been wrong about her before. So I respected the boundaries he wanted me to have. And it was easy. Until Track Season… Track season is when I really began to get to know her and you know what? I REALLY liked her. Had I met her under ANY other circumstances we might’ve actually been not just friends but good friends. I know my husband wanted us to have boundaries but boundaries? What boundaries…?