People lie for one of two reasons. They’re aiming to manipulate or they have something to hide. I’ve never come across any other reason. But it takes a special type of person to sit in your home, break bread with you, look you straight in the face and lie while being in cahoots with your enemy. It takes motive… You don’t just happen into that type of situation. Certain underlying feelings and/or emotions must be present for a person to be motivated to do something like that. So here I was pregnant, extremely emotional, with 3 new people in my life, wondering which one of them I could actually trust. Eeny meeny miny moe, Which one of you is friend or foe…? I never act on anything unless I’m certain. Given the fact I had no proof either way in this situation meant I would have to once again rely on the friend who had never failed me… Time. I had my inclinations on who the mole was but I didn’t want to believe it and though I wanted resolution sooner than later, I had to know for certain before I made any moves. What I would come to find though is, it’s always the person you least expect.

I went about my day to day life as usual, never dropping any hints or giving any clues to the person I doubted most. I simply observed. However, the lack of proof made me nervous. Tee and I were never really that close, to begin with, and I never confided in her about much of anything, so to say we were close would be a lie. We were cool because our husbands were close. Our husbands hung out all the time. He would often go to their house without me to watch games and I’m sure lots of conversations happened during those visits. Although I would go at times, for the most part, I never really went. I just didn’t gel with her in that way. She was much older than me and we didn’t share many interests. It was safe to say anything Tee knew, she knew from conversations between her, her husband and mine. But in recent weeks, the distance between all of us had grown noticeably. We no longer hung out at their house or did much of anything together anymore. I felt, although there were still issues and something clearly wrong, I could at least check her off the list for now. Bee and WBF were my constants at this point. I talked to them daily. WBF several times a day. Since we were closer she for SURE knew much more, but Bee did her part to constantly reach out as well. Bee knew I was struggling with my nausea and being pregnant. She would call a lot to see how I was coping with it. I appreciated that. The other thing they both had in common was the fact that they were the only other people in my life who knew my husband’s ex-wife. I had no idea how long I would have to wait to find out who was feeding the information her way but I didn’t expect to find out so soon after.

At this point, the issues seemed to be constant. It was so weird to be so cool one second and everything be so horribly wrong the next. Because of this, I would reach out to his ex-wife and suggest all four of us (me, her, her husband and mine) get together and have a conversation to clear up any confusion there might be. I had every intention of bringing up her constant phone calls. But more than that I wanted to know what exactly it was I was doing in her eyes that she considered to be overstepping boundaries. She would decline. Her reason being she didn’t want me to bring up anything old that we should all be passed at this point. I didn’t buy it. The real reason I suspected she declined was that there were certain things she didn’t want her husband to know. She would have no control over what I could potentially ask her or say and it was possible I could say something her husband didn’t actually know.

Ex-Wife: “I don’t feel it’s healthy for any of us to have conversations about the past and bring up old stuff. It’s only going to do more harm than good. I don’t think it’s a good idea.”

Me: “I don’t agree. A lot of what you say you have a problem with has everything to do with the past and your feelings about it so we should address them. I don’t see how addressing past issues should be a problem.

Ex-Wife: “I feel like it’s taking a step back.”

Me: “ I would agree if your actions weren’t constantly affected by it.”

Ex-Wife: “The only way I’ll agree to a meeting is if we only talk about the communication issues at hand. I won’t sit there and address every feeling from the past. It shouldn’t even be brought up.”

At this point, I have to say I considered lying. I wanted to tell her Yea sure! No past talk. Just to get her into a meeting and then say whatever I wanted once there. But I couldn’t. Something told me not to. There was no telling what that conversation could provoke and I was still holding onto information about her husband. I wouldn’t be the cause of breaking up ANYONE’S relationship. So instead I said…

Me: “If we’re not going to have an honest conversation to address everything then forget it. Certain things need to be addressed from the past to move forward and I feel the only reason you don’t want to is that you don’t want your husband to know everything.”

Ex-Wife: “My husband knows everything because I’m honest with him. That’s not what it is. I just don’t think it’s productive and it won’t get us anywhere dwelling on the past.”

Me: “Well your actions say otherwise so like I said if I’m going to be restricted in the conversation on what I can actually say then forget it. It’s pointless. We can talk when you want to address everything.”

… and that would be that on that. The conversation wouldn’t end in a hostile manner. Just in a more, it is what it is type way.

This conversation would happen shortly before I found out I was pregnant. She would decline many more conversation invites after this. So, as you can see, NOT communicating would cause things to fall apart more than ever.

I was about 4 months into my pregnancy and talking to Bee about my possible childcare options. My mom had a flexible job that allowed her to work from home most days but she was considering moving into a full-time job that would require her to go in every day. I REALLY didn’t want her to because I wanted her to be the one to watch our baby. She’d watched my other children as well and was the only person I trusted. But I did understand her reasons for wanting to. Sensing my anxiety, Bee would offer to watch our daughter for us at a fraction of the cost of normal childcare. Even though she was a stay at home mom, she had recently been looking for ways to make extra money. I was shocked that she would make the offer. I thought she was insane. She had two children under two which was hard enough, I couldn’t even imagine trying to handle THREE under two. It was so extremely sweet of her to want to help but I had a few concerns. I still didn’t know her that well. What if she couldn’t actually handle it. What if taking care of her children took priority over taking care of mine? That would only be natural. I didn’t know if I was willing to risk it. So, instead of committing I told her I would think about it and get back to her. What I REALLY needed was prayer and time. Was she the right person for this job? Was she a Godsend? Should I do this and trust her with such a prized possession? I knew prayer and time would tell. However, my friend “Time” gave me much more than I bargained for. There is this saying I’m sure most of you are familiar with. What’s done in the dark ALWAYS comes to light. I was truly about to find out exactly what that saying meant. Hell, I was about to live it. 

I almost feel dumb considering how long it would take me to put all of the pieces and clues together. So much was about to happen over the next two weeks that my mind would actually be blown! Things weren’t getting any better with my husband’s ex-wife. It had gotten to the point where no one was agreeing with anyone on ANYTHING and everything was a fight. Conflict was at an all-time high and all while I was dealing with the overwhelming sickness and fatigue that came with being pregnant. I was fed up. His ex-wife would finally suggest to him via email we all sit down and have a conversion but my first thought would be why should we?! Didn’t I suggest this same conversation months ago only for her to decline and say it wasn’t a good idea? So why now? I would be sitting across from Bee in a pizza shop telling her exactly this just a few days later. The football team was having their annual end of season awards/pizza party and our sons were on the same team this year. My husband’s ex-wife was not there.

Me: “I just can’t believe her nerve. NOW she wants to talk? She was so adamant before about not talking to me at all so why now? I’m too sick and pregnant to deal with this shit. I don’t need the stress. She won’t have me in the hospital worried about losing my baby behind all this. The only reason she wants to talk now is that it’s on her terms. I’m not doing it. I gave her a chance.”

Of course caution was at the forefront of my mind as I was telling Bee all of this. I was watching her mannerisms like a hawk. There was something about her body language and reaction (or lack thereof) that was internally alarming to me. Everything about her suggested nothing I was telling her was new. She pretty much brushed off everything I’d just told her by responding…

Bee: “You should just stay out of it. You shouldn’t get involved or talk to her at all. Let your husband handle all that.” and she said all of this in a very blase manner while looking around, almost like she was trying to avoid eye contact with me.

I looked at her…

Me: “Excuse me? That’s MY husband, MY family and the situation directly involves ME. Are you crazy?? The HELL I WILL stay out of it! Everything she has to say IS ABOUT ME! What are you smoking?”

Sensing my annoyance, borderline anger…

Bee: Smiling and softening… “Calm down, I didn’t mean it like that. I’m just saying you’re pregnant. Focus on your baby. You don’t need to be focused on all of this. Just let conversations be between her and your husband.” Again… Something about her wording.

Me: “Nah, I’m good. Pass the pizza…” Something about this conversation wasn’t sitting right with me. It would be a few days later I find out why.

One evening shortly after, my daughter would be on FaceTime with Bee’s step-daughter. During that FaceTime call, she would notice our son in the background. She found it odd because she knew he was supposed to be at his mom's house. When she asked what he was doing there she would be told that Bee had picked him up from school. My daughter had enough sense and had seen enough of all the different dynamics to know this was strange. She would come to me and ask if I knew our son was at Bee’s house. I would look back at her in complete shock.

Me: “What? What do you mean?”

My Daughter: “Yea, he’s over there. He’s hanging out with [Their Son] but I thought he was supposed to be with his mom.”

At this point, I was downright alarmed.

Me: “Ok thank you.” and I sent her off.

I called my husband over.

Me: “Hey did your friend call and tell you Bee was picking up [Son] today?

Him: “What? No.”

Me: “[My Daughter] just told me he was over there. I thought maybe you set something up.”

Him: “No I didn’t.” He was mad.

Me: “I’ll text Bee and see what’s going on.”

I immediately texted Bee to ask her if [Son] was there and she confirmed it. I called.

Me: “Why did you pick him up for her and why didn’t you call us first to see if it was ok before you did it?”

Bee: “I didn’t think it was a big deal. I would pick him up for ya’ll too.”

Me: “That’s not the point. If she can’t pick him up then she’s legally obligated to call my husband first before she calls anyone else to do it. You would know that had you called first to make sure it was ok. You are supposed to be OUR friend. Why does she even feel comfortable calling you to ask a favor like that in the first place? I thought you didn’t talk to her?”

She was quiet. She didn’t really know what to say. You could tell. She was caught.

Bee: “I told her at one of the practices if she needed help picking him up from school she could always ask me since I have to get my son too. I didn’t think ya’ll would care since it would be helping you out too. I was just trying to be nice. I didn’t think she would call me.”

Me: “Funny how you didn’t tell me anything about that conversation either. You shouldn’t be helping her with anything. That’s not YOUR friend unless there’s something you’re not telling me?”

Bee: “Girl, you are trippin’! She’s not my friend. I don’t talk to her like that. I was just trying to help.”

Me: “Well next time call us first.” and with that, I hung up. I. was. pissed.

The thing about this scenario that irked me most was why his mother felt comfortable enough to call her in the first place. Why would she even think she would agree to do it? They weren’t really supposed to even know each other well and according to Bee, they didn’t even talk. This is when things started slowly coming together for me. Everything that had been happening over the last couple of months fell into place and clicked.

There was so much wrong with this situation and so much more I could’ve done at that moment but the truth is I was still in shock. I didn’t want to see it. I had gone in pretty hard on Bee and because of that our conversation would end on a very grim note. The next day, however, I would text her and apologize for coming across so harsh. I would also let her know I had concerns about her relationship with my husband’s ex-wife. She was supposed to be our friend. We were supposed to be able to trust her. I let her know if she was going to be involved with her in any way then I would have to take a step back. I also let her know I didn’t feel comfortable with her watching my baby knowing his ex-wife could potentially be in and out of her home. I didn’t want her negative energy around my child and I definitely didn’t want to run the risk of her trying to hold her while she was there to pick up our son. 

She responded.

Bee: Are you saying that you’re going to stop talking to me if I talk to her?

Me: I’m saying I’m going to have a very hard time trusting you if you continue to talk to her.

She said nothing after that. I couldn’t help but wonder… How many times had his ex-wife been in her home? How many conversations had they had about us? Most importantly, how could Bee entertain any of this, knowing how much stress the entire situation brought me and still call herself my friend?

I told WBF everything that took place. However, the real shocker would come days later when WBF called me.

WBF: “So guess who I just talked to?”

Me: “Who?

WBF: “My cousin. She just got done trying to go HAM on me because apparently someone told her that I told YOU I don’t fuck with her. You KNOW I don’t play that shit with people saying I said things so I asked her who told her that and she kept trying to not tell me. Finally, I was like I’M SERIOUS tell me NOW and she did.”

Me Laughing: “What?? You don’t even talk like that! Where did she get that from? Who told her that?”

WBF: “Who do you know that knows her as well?”

I thought about it. I knew what WBF was getting at.

Me: “Was it, Bee?”

WBF: “Cut ALL ties.” and that was it. That was all she said. She didn’t have to say her name but I knew her well enough to know that was answer enough. How dare Bee…

Let me tell you one thing I noticed immediately about WBF. She didn’t even question if I’d actually said it. She didn’t have to. Upon hearing it she knew instantly I would NEVER say anything like that. The absence of her doubt spoke VOLUMES about how well she actually knew me. It also spoke to and confirmed the type of friendship we had. I immediately felt bad for even thinking it could be her in the first place. How could I question her loyalty when she never once questioned mine?

WBF and I had been going back and forth for MONTHS trying to figure out who was feeding her cousin pieces of information. Although my gut feeling KNEW it wasn’t WBF, I still considered it could be HER in the back of my mind. I’d even gone so far as to think our son was listening outside of doors and lurking around corners to get information to take back to her and I remember being pissed about it because I felt I couldn’t freely talk in my own home. My mind had literally gone crazy over this. Bee had burned EVERY bridge with me after that pick-up incident but if I ever had any doubts or needed any more confirmation, this was it. Bee was our mole.