Blended: The Rainbow After The Storm

Some situations happen and you’re almost pretty sure you’re overreacting. You run through all the possible scenarios in your head trying to pinpoint exactly where you could’ve lost your mind, but certain things just make too much sense for it to be completely you. That’s where I was at, at this point. Everything that had been happening at the track meets and otherwise was extremely weird, yes. But I still wasn’t 100% certain I wasn’t losing my mind. I knew she was dealing with a lot personally and I was as well, so I wanted to put all of her weird behavior and my feelings in that box. I didn’t want to think the shit was about to hit the fan, yet again. However, everything that was about to happen next would make it very clear I wasn’t wrong about her at all. That realization would actually make me really sad. I never wanted to be right about her.

If I followed my own philosophy of communication being key, I could’ve asked her to lunch to try and work it out. But there were a few reasons I didn’t. First, I didn’t even know how to begin to explain to her what my problem was. I still wasn’t completely sure it wasn’t ME who was the insane one. I’d recently gone through a lot emotionally and did consider my hormones could actually be the problem. Earlier in this year I’d find out I was pregnant. My husband and I had been trying for a few months and would finally find out we were expecting. We were ecstatic! We couldn’t wait to share the news with the kids but we had just one more appointment before we felt comfortable.

One day, while getting my nails done I started cramping. It felt like I was getting my period but I knew this was all wrong because I was PREGNANT! No period was supposed to be coming. As I sat in the chair I went back and forth about what I should do. I knew if I got up before she was done and the worst had happened, I’d never be able to sit back down and let her finish. I decided since my nails were almost done I’d wait to go to the bathroom with the hope my cramping would stop. But the cramping only got worse. As soon as my nails were finished I ran to the bathroom. Sure enough, there was blood. I tried not to panic because it was only spotting and I knew that happened sometimes but I had a bad feeling. When my husband arrived to pick me up the kids were in the car. They still didn’t even know I was pregnant so I had to be careful. I got in and told him to drive me straight to urgent care. He looked at me. Trying so hard not to cry I just looked back and whispered, “Something is wrong.” He understood and drove me straight there. He stayed in the car with the kids while I went in. We didn’t want them to know anything, especially now.

When I got to the Dr.’s office I checked in and ran to the bathroom once again. I thought I’d felt a leak. This time there was LOTS of blood. I started bawling. I knew… I got a pad from one of the bathroom dispensers and went into my appointment. My OB confirmed what I already knew.

OB: “I’m so sorry but the baby is gone…”

I shook my head, quiet as the tears fell.

OB: “I’ll leave to give you some time.”

I got dressed, my OB gave me instructions and I checked out. This all happened in a matter of about 30mins. When I walked out to the car I did my best to hide my face from the kids. My husband looked at me and I shook my head. We drove home in silence with him holding my hand… He laid with me and hugged me for the rest of the night. It took a while for me to recover. Every time I realized the life we created was no longer inside me I cried. My emotions were all over the place. So, I accounted for all of this as I considered what his ex-wife might be up to. I knew it was very possible, the problem was ME.   

Second, everything she’d been doing was so subtle and odd it could’ve easily been explained away by her as nothing. But women KNOW when another woman’s behavior is off with their man. It’s like a 6th sense were born with. It can’t be explained or reasoned out. You just know. In this instance, I KNEW. Isolating everything she’d done, as a singular incident, I would’ve seen it as nothing too. Yet collectively it sent out a “SOMETHING IS OFF” warning that flashed hot like the brightest of beacons on a cold, dark night. I didn’t expect her to admit what she was doing and agree to simply not do it. I at least knew THAT much about her. So, to me, a conversation would have accomplished nothing but give her a reason to turn. Time was the only ally I had in this situation because time never lies. Time tells you absolutely everything. 

Remember the story I told you about her wanting the same shoes as me? Well… put a pin in that. A lot is about to make sense. Or rather, everything is about to become stranger than ever. I would find myself wondering for the first time in a long time who exactly I was dealing with. It would be a few weeks later, after the last very odd track meet, my husband and I take the kids shopping. In the shoe store, I’d spot these Nike Air Max Corks I just had to have. I’d show them to my oldest son and he’d agree they were fire too. I’d ask one of the employees to get them for me in my size to try on and it would be love at first sight. I NEEDED them! So apparently would my son. They were woman’s so I’d ask them to bring out a 6 1/2 which was his size equivalent in big kids. Him trying them on would seal the deal. We both got them.

I could’ve never predicted these photos would set her off quite the way they did. She went off. Apparently, I was now overstepping the boundary of step-parent and trying to be his mother like she didn’t exist. Keep in mind nothing else had happened. There were no disagreements, no issues or anything else going on at this point that should have had her thinking the worst. Aside from me noticing her very weird behavior, by all accounts, everything was good. What would astound me the most is the fact that all of this was coming from someone who was just sending me sweet text messages weeks prior. When our son went back to his mom’s house a few days later she would question him endlessly about these shoes. She wanted to know who picked them, who saw them first and exactly how we both ended up with the same pair of shoes. Based on her line of questioning I could gather she was trying to figure out if I purposely tried to get matching shoes with him or the other way around. She was triggered and she needed someone to blame. But the better question is why she was concerned at all? Why did it matter if we had the same shoes? Her reaction was yet another confirmation that things were off.

June and July would be the straw that broke the camel’s back but it would also be the light at the start of a very beautiful rainbow. The Junior Olympics would be coming up and this year it would be in Virginia. We really considered going but after calculating the cost we decided it was going to be too expensive for our family of 5. He sent her an email to let her know and she’d of course call. Unbeknownst to her though, I would be in the car with him when she did. She wanted to talk about it so we’d sit in our garage and do exactly that. He had one earpiece in and I had the other. I’d stay extremely quiet so she didn’t know I was right there. She wanted him to explain AGAIN what was going on and why our son wouldn’t be participating. His concern was the fact that only the relay team had made it this year so if anything were to happen with even one of the players they would all be knocked out of the competition on the first day. He didn’t feel the cost of the trip for our family of 5 was worth the risk. He explained all of this to her.

Her: “Well I already told my church about it and I have donations coming in to help sponsor the trip.”

Him: “You can tell them he’s not going this year. It’s going to be too expensive.”

Her: “I don’t think he should miss out on something he’s earned just because EVERYBODY can’t afford to go. He worked hard and he should get to move on.”

Him: “Yea he did but he understands the situation and he’s ok with it. He’s still going to move on in the other races out here and we’ll go next year when it’s in Sacramento.”

Her: “I still feel like he should be able to go. I don’t understand why we can’t just take him together. I have the donations from the church which will pay for most of it. I can leave [husband] at home with [young son] and we can take him together so he can move on.”

When she said that my head FLUNG around to look at my husband SO FAST I almost got whiplash. WHAT?! I didn’t just hear her say that… He didn’t seem to register what she’d said or the underlying meaning behind it either. It was almost like he was hearing every other word she was saying but not fully taking it in.

Him: “I’m not doing that. I’m not leaving my family at home. We just can’t go. [Son] understands.”

Her: “It shouldn’t be a problem for just you and me to take him. That’s not fair to him and it’s not right when the money is there to go but you just don’t want to take him without everyone else. He told me he wants to go. He knows we have donations from our church to pay for the trip and with the way you have him registered under you I can’t even take him now without you being there. That’s wrong.”

Him: “I’ll talk to him about. You can give everyone their money back.”

Her: “Well you need to talk to him about it too because he’s expressed to me that he’s upset about not going.”

Him: “I will.”

And with that they hung up. I looked at him. I was shocked.

Me: “I can’t even believe she just tried to pull that stunt!”

Him: “What? What do you mean?”

Me: “She literally said she would leave her husband and son at home so you and her could take [Son] to the junior olympics together alone with the money she raised from the church.”

Him: “What? That’s what she meant?”

Me: “Yes! That’s literally what she said. I knew you missed it the second you didn’t respond. It’s like you were barely hearing anything she said. Is that how all your conversations go with her?” I was laughing.

Him: “Wow, yea I didn’t even hear it like that. I was just trying to get off the phone. I didn’t hear most of what she said. I tune her out when she’s talking.”

Me: “That’s why you get into so much trouble. She really be thinking you’re listening to her when the reality is you’re not hearing a thing she says… I can’t even believe her nerve! What would her husband say about that!? And as if you would EVER fly with her ANYWHERE alone! Oh My God…” I just shook my head. It was so blatant.

I literally just couldn’t. That was ALL I needed to hear to be VERY clear on her intentions. I could only imagine what she thought would happen had my husband ever been dumb enough to take her up on that offer. From this point on EVERYTHING went downhill. Soon after, we were back at war and I was left standing there wondering what the hell had happened. Threats of court would be thrown out and we’d pretty much be back to where we started with no progress made. During this time I didn’t like the way my husband dealt with her. She’d step out of line often and was wild with accusations. But instead of clearing them up, being honest with her or checking her like she oftentimes deserved, he’d resort to what he knew best. Telling her whatever she wanted to hear to shut her up. When I asked him why he did this he’d say he didn’t owe her any explanations. He didn’t care what she thought. He didn’t have the energy or desire to go in-depth and explain anything to her. He wanted to do whatever would end her talking the quickest, whether it be right or wrong, even if it meant “agreeing” with her. He’d agree the sky was green if it meant she’d leave him alone. It was sad really but there you have it. Men…

Her texts and emails would be filled with so many assumptions it was surprising she knew up from down. They were so off base on what was actually going on it was laughable. Many times, because I knew he didn’t have the energy for a thorough response, I’d even try to help him formulate one that was the truth vs. a quick response to shut her up, but he didn’t like that. He didn’t want me speaking for him. We argued about it A LOT and it resulted in some very dark times for us. Because of all the issues, she became very adamant about meeting with him to talk and I was very much against it. I knew my husband. I knew if he met with her his mouth was going to write checks he had no intention on cashing and that would cause even more problems. So he’d declined. At first. But, in typical HER fashion, she would threaten to take him to court if he didn’t agree. It was as if she thought a court order was going to force him to talk to her outside of an email. Laughable.

Consequently though, he would eventually agree and just as I suspected, in that meeting, he'd say everything she wanted to hear just so she’d agree not take him. And it would work. But I’d be pissed. Didn’t she know by now he never meant anything he said to her? She’d later use that conversation against him time and time again and all I could do was look at him and say I told you so. I couldn’t understand why he was so content to let her run wild with speculation when clear communication could do so much. This was a very difficult time for our marriage. We were both so miserable but on such different pages about what actually needed to be done, I begin to wonder if we’d make it. Truthfully. I couldn’t stomach a single day more of her terror. It was very clear she wanted misery for her company and I had no interest in joining her. The last time she focused this much on us instead of her own relationship, her husband stepped out on her………… (let that sink in).

Times wouldn’t stay dark for long though. We loved each other too much to let her ruin us. Why let her keep us as miserable as she was in her own marriage? So we came up with a plan. No more communication with her that wasn’t in writing. Since she’d made a habit of using my husband’s (ill-planned) words against him, he finally realized it was best to not have conversations with her at all. We wanted proof of everything that was ever said from this point forward. She couldn’t be trusted. Neither could my husband really lol. He no longer answered her phone calls (unless he felt it was an emergency) and everything went through text or email. That was it. We were done.

Our shinning light of hope would come a month later when I found out I was pregnant. Our rainbow baby. We were SO excited. Even amidst all of the conflict we never stopped trying. It had been months and I had honestly begun to worry I couldn’t even get pregnant. I’m sure the stress didn’t help. But here we were. Blessed and expecting again! My first emotion was elated. My second, terrified. What if I lost this baby too? My husband sensed that fear, maybe fearing the worst himself and became extremely protective of us. This furthered his resolve to put a stop to his ex-wife. He wasn’t about to let the stress she brought on cause us to lose another baby. However, little did we know she would be the least of our worries. We were about to be betrayed by the people we least expected…