Blended: Secrets and Lies

“An honest enemy is better than a friend who lies…”

I often wonder about timing. Why things happen the way they do and the purpose behind it all. Losing our first baby made me wonder… What if maybe, our marriage needed a little more time before we brought another life into it. Would the stress have been too much? Would things have panned out differently if a child were involved? Although I didn’t have the answers to those questions, I did know there was always a purpose. Timing is, has ALWAYS been everything and I was about to get a BIG lesson on it. Finding out my husband and I would be bringing a part of us into the world put me on cloud 9. It was the most complete I’d felt in a long time and it would bring us closer than ever. When we told our parents they were ecstatic but aside from our close friends, we waited to tell everyone else until I was safe-zoned. The last thing I wanted was to lose another baby and having everyone ask me about it. The funniest part would be when I went to tell WBF. She would call me a day after I found out and say…

WBF: “OMG I have something to tell you and you have to swear on your LIFE you won’t tell a soul!” by this point she’d moved out of state to be with the man she’d met and they were giving it a go. For her to make this request meant it was BIG.

Me: “You know I would never. Now spill it.”

WBF: “Weeeeeeell….” she was prolonging it. “I’m pregnant.”

Me: “What?!! GIRL I’m pregnant too! I was just about to call and tell YOU! Oh my goodness!!” I couldn’t believe it.

WBF: “What?!! ShutTheFuckUp!”

Me: “YES!!! When’s your due date??”

WBF: “April 12th. You?”

Me: “Shut up! I’m April 1st!! This is so crazy!”

WBF: “OMG where going to be pregnant at the same time!! I thought I was about to die because I was going to have to be pregnant alone! God knew what he was doing when he knocked you up! He knew I’d need you!”

Me: “What sucks is that you’re so far away and we can’t actually be pregnant in the same state! Does anyone else know yet?”

WBF: “No. Not yet. You’re literally the first person I called. What about you?”

Me: “Just our parents. Where not telling the kids yet just in case something happens and I definitely don’t want [son’s] mom to know yet.” WBF knew about our first lost and how hard it was on us.

WBF: “I definitely get that. I feel the same about his kids mom knowing too.”

We continued to talk about our joint pregnancies, both so excited our babies would be so close together.

I’d also tell Bee. Remember Bee? Bee and I had begun to talk quite often. She’d taken to always making herself so readily available for me. Going above and beyond to be so helpful. Especially during the times my husband and I were going through it. I can’t tell you how many times I’d call her BAWLING, in tears of frustration, and she’d just be there… Listening and calming me down. She also appeared to be extremely loyal. It seemed as if my husband’s ex-wife made it a habit to befriend anyone we were really close with that she had access to. I’d told Bee this before and since she knew all of the problems we’d had to go through with her, she made it point to let me know that would never be her. So it only felt natural to tell her too. My morning sickness had gotten worse. WAY worse. To the point, I couldn’t eat anything and my nausea never left. I was miserable. With her having just had a baby a few months prior, she had experienced this and knew it all too well. She told me about a nausea medication she’d taken while pregnant and how well it had worked for her. I tried to get it from my Dr. too but unfortunately, it wasn’t available through my insurance. Being the ever so helpful friend that she was, she offered to let me use the last 3 refills she had on file. I was desperate. Upon taking it, the intensity of my nausea immediately went down. It wasn’t completely gone but it was a vast improvement. I could’ve DIED of gratitude.

Our oldest son was now in basketball and going to the games, with no one knowing I was actually pregnant, felt like I was keeping a huge secret. We’d found out very early on so I was keeping this secret for months before I’d finally spill the beans. I could’ve hidden my first pregnancy until I was 6 months along, but being on my 3rd, I showed very quickly. One day, while getting ready for our oldest son’s basketball game, I realized I couldn’t fit anything in my closet without my stomach sticking out very obviously. We were only a week away from when we’d originally planned to tell the kids, so in frustration, I’d tell my husband…

Me: “Babe, I can’t fit anything without looking pregnant. Look!” I’d turn to the side to show him the 4th outfit I’d tried on, my belly very obvious. It was too hot to wear a sweater. We were in the tail end of summer. “Can we just tell the kids so I don’t have to hide it anymore?”

Him: “Are you sure you want to tell them now?”

Me: “Yea. Let’s tell them now. Hiding it is becoming exhausting. I’m so sick, ALWAYS sleepy and the kids are starting to look at me weird because they don’t understand what’s going on. I don’t know how celebrities do this.”

Him: Slight Chuckle “Ok, let’s get them together and tell them.”

So we rounded the kids up, sat them down and told them together. We even filmed their reactions. They were so excited and very surprised. My heart was so happy they were happy. I also felt relief I didn’t have to hide it anymore. Being sick in secret was not my idea of a good time. We still had to get ready for our son’s basketball game so after all of the excitement wore down from the baby news we continued getting ready. I wore a black, midi-length dress, some gladiator sandals, and my belly proudly on display. Finally. We headed out to the game.

There would be two things I noticed almost immediately once we got there. The first would be the weird energy I felt radiating from the mom of our son’s friend. Let’s call her Tee. This would be the mom who was sitting next to me during the “Track Meet Showdown”. Her son and ours was on the same basketball team this year. She wasn’t being rude necessarily but she seemed very aloof and distant. I knew something was off but I couldn’t quite put my finger on what it could be. The first time, maybe a few weeks prior, I’d felt this energy from her I wrote it off as her having a bad day. We all go through things. But feeling it again now, for the second time, I knew something was wrong. While I would've loved to discuss it at that moment, I was again overcome with the feeling that maybe it was me. Not to mention, it wasn’t the right time anyway.

The second thing I would notice was the warm reception my husband's ex-wife received from Tee once she arrived at the game. It was quite different than the way she’d greeted me. Because our sons were friend’s and drop off’s between the two were often involved regardless of who our son was with, they’d always been friendly. However, we’d always been closer to Tee and her husband than his ex-wife. I guess that was until now, it would appear. When his ex-wife got there, Tee quickly scrambled to find her a seat next to us. As I looked on and watched this entire interaction unfold, I was internally shocked and thoroughly confused. I pretty much knew at that moment something was definitely off. Needing to pee and collect my thoughts, I got up to use the restroom. His ex-wife’s eyes would immediately zero in on my stomach. As always, too focused on staring to notice, she wouldn’t even see me watching her. Up to this point, I’d never really thought about how she’d react to my pregnancy but at that moment I thought Oh great. This should be fun. She had that look. When I came back from the restroom she would be staring again, I’m sure trying to figure out if I was fat or if it was indeed a baby bump she saw. She would stare out of the corner of her eyes and follow me almost all the way to my seat. Our son would later confirm it for her. After the game, I’d tell my husband about my experience with Tee, her odd behavior and the weird vibes I just couldn’t seem to shake. Although he’d acknowledge and follow up my concerns with some of his more recent frustrations concerning her, I’d soon find out there was more to the story. Much more.

The last several months had been A LOT. With so much turmoil between both sides and more stress than I ever care to relive, one thing had become apparent. There was a mole in our camp. There was certain information his ex-wife kept throwing out in emails that made it very obvious she was talking to someone. During one of our email spats, she’d say that she knew he’d been talking to other people about how “miserable” he was and that I was the problem. I remember him being pissed by that comment but at the time I didn’t ask for any explanations about it. I didn’t doubt that it had been said because during that time we WERE miserable. All of the issues with her had caused us to fight endlessly and mostly because I was very adamant about how he needed to handle her. I was tired of him saying whatever to shut her up and he was tired of me insisting he tell her the truth. It’s very possible he expressed his frustrations to a friend. But the friend in question was my issue. Who could it possibly be…? That question would nag at me for months. But since I had nothing else to go on, I had no choice BUT to let it go.

One day, maybe a week or 2 after the basketball game, Bee and her husband would come to our house to hang out and have dinner. It would be then, sitting on my couch right across from her, I tell her about Tee’s weird behavior. She already knew about the first time I’d caught the shady vibes but at the time she tried to assure me it was probably nothing.

Me: “It’s so weird! Tee and her husband have always been nice to her yes, but never like that. I would never have considered them friends. Honestly, I don’t think they’ve ever even hung out with his ex-wife and her husband before outside of a drop off. The whole thing is just strange. Something is up.

Bee: “Hmmm… Maybe. I saw her at one of the football practices recently and we started talking. I said You know Jill and her husband are having a baby right? and she was like What? Really? Why are they having a baby? I thought it was weird for her to respond that way since ya’ll friends.

Me: “What? She said that? Why would she say that? He’s my husband. Of course we’d have a baby together. The correct response would’ve been ‘Oh that’s so nice! Congratulations to them!’… and why is she acting brand new about it? I told her at the freaking basketball game I was pregnant. It was weird too because she acted like she didn’t even notice until I said something. What did you say?”

I was not only annoyed but almost down right pissed. What a rude thing to say.

Bee: “I just said ‘That’s her husband. I guess they wanted a baby together.’ I didn’t know what else to say…” She chuckled like she was at a loss.

Me: “I guess that settles THAT then. She clearly has a problem. I don’t know what it is but I won’t be going out of my way to speak to her anymore. I’m not wasting my time on someone who clearly doesn’t want me talking to them. I bet his ex-wife said something to her. That’s the only thing I can think of. She goes out of her way to befriend anyone we’re friends with. It’s weird! Watch, you’ll be her next friend.”

Bee: “Nah, you ain’t gotta worry about me. I ain’t talking’ to that girl.”

Me: “Yea, just watch…”

I was truly joking at the time I said this. They had nothing in common. They didn’t meet at one of our kids' joint activities, our husbands were friends from work, and there was literally no other connection between the two of them but for us. They were OUR friends. So you can imagine my surprise when Bee would tell me his ex-wife had come up to her and asked to exchange numbers.

Bee: “It’s funny you say that too because at the last practice she was sitting in the bleachers and called me over to start talking.”

Me: “What? Really? What did she say?”

Bee: “She was studying from some book talking about how she was trying to go back to school and then said we should exchange numbers because the boys were friends.”

My mouth dropped.

Me: “When was this?”

Bee: “It was like a week ago or two ago.”

Me: “Why are you just now telling me this? Did you give it to her?”

Bee: “I actually forgot about it. I did give it her because I didn’t want to be mean. You know I can’t be mean to people.”

Me: “Don’t YOU start. You know I already think someone is giving her information. I don’t want to have to worry about you too.”

Bee: “You know I ain’t talking to that girl. She texted me from her phone but I didn’t even save it. Are you sure it’s not her cousin telling her everything. They ARE family.”

The funny thing is… this was something I actually DID consider. I felt horrible thinking it but because of how much information was getting back, it was something I HAD to contemplate. I even talked to my best friend about it. We decided I would tell both WBF and Bee a few seemingly juicy tidbits and see what actually got back. But the thing was, the information I told WBF wasn’t what was getting back. She was air tight.

Me: “I’m sure. I’m actually positive. WBF doesn’t even talk to her like that. They may be family but they aren’t close. Plus, she’s definitely not messy and she’s loyal. I’ve been friends with her for a while now and I’ve never had a problem.”

Bee: “Ok well, I would still be careful. Blood is blood. How do you talk to her any way?”

Time froze as this question literally shocked me into silence. So many things went through my mind in that moment. Let me explain…

Because WBF had just moved out of state, she was still getting settled and didn’t really have a working phone yet. She had an iPhone but it wasn’t connected to service so her only options were iMessage and/or FaceTime audio when in a wi-fi area. Since I also had an iPhone, communication between us wasn't a problem. However, her cousin had an android phone so the same communication options weren’t available to her. How could Bee possibly know what type of communication was the problem and why would she even think to ask me this question?

Sitting right across from her, I struggled to respond quick enough to hide my shock. The only thing I could think to say was…

Me: “Why? What do you mean?”

Bee Paused… : “Because I guess she called her while we were talking and she had to step away. When she came back she said it was her cousin and that she doesn’t get to talk to her that much.”

She got an A for effort. Kudos for the quick explanation. Really. But it didn’t make sense to me. How do any two people talk? There was NO WAY she would’ve phrased her question in that manner if she didn't know more than she was letting on. I never did answer her. Staring her straight in the face, I begin to wonder if SHE was in fact, the mole. Maybe Tee wasn’t the one we should be worried about…