Hate. It’s such a strong word. Even deeper and complex in meaning. I can’t really remember many times in my life where I’d felt outright hatred towards anyone. Of course, I could remember times where I’d been extremely upset, but beneath all the anger was always one singular emotion. Hurt. Hurt is often the root of any negative emotion we feel. There were MANY times I was convinced I hated this woman. Downright loathed and despised her. But what she did next would convince me beyond the shadow of any doubt I could ever have that I had never truly hated her until what she did next. This time the feelings I had felt different. The darkness that follows hate is tangible. You can touch it and the moment it reached for me I knew. A mother will do anything for her children. At least a good mother will. Actually, a good parent will. Fathers and mothers alike. This is something I would have to tell myself repeatedly over the next few months to prevent hate from making me its permanent home.

Around January we would start to notice our son’s behavior change. He seemed distracted. He had started struggling in school and around February he would finally let spill to his Dad what his mother had been discussing with him for months. She was moving. Across the country no less. When my husband told me, I’d confess I’d known for a few months and it had been the reason I’d posed the question to him months prior. He debated saying something to her about it but in the end, we decided to stay silent. We prepared for the storm we saw coming while silently waiting to see just how long she’d go without saying a word. It would be the end of March before she’d decide to have a conversation with my husband. I’ll always remember the look he had on his face when he came home that evening. He called me over to tell me exactly what she’d said.

She explained to him that her husband had rejoined the military into active duty and was being stationed across the country. He was to report for duty come May. Mind you at this point we were a few days shy of April. My husband asked what anyone would. How long had she known and why was she only just now telling him of this or that it was even a possibility? She said she had only just found out but we both knew that was a lie. She didn’t say a word so she could have months to convince their son to go with her. My husband was pissed and my heart hurt for him. This was literally his worse nightmare come to life. I mean yeah… We knew she’d been holding on to this secret for some months now but it somehow didn’t seem real until it was spoken. I think sometimes we often hope for the best from people even though we know who they are and when they let us down it somehow still feels like a shock. Even though he’s never said this, I think we both hoped for the same thing in the back of our minds. We hoped that maybe she wasn’t saying anything because she had no intention of fighting us for him to go in the first place.

Although my heart hurt for my husband, it hurt for her too. I couldn’t blame her. She was in an impossible situation and there was literally no way for her to win. Some people would criticize her choice no matter what she did. Did I feel like she was handling this right at all? No. Absolutely not. But as a mother could I understand why she was handling it this way? Yes. Absolutely I could. As I said, a mother will do anything for her child. This was a lose-lose situation for everyone involved and there was no way to win. We had no idea how this would play out but in dealing with her in prior situations, and up to this point, it was never easy or good.

My husband’s worst fear was losing his son. For that matter, the same was true for her also. Every bizarre, chaotic, insane situation we’d ever been dealt up to this point was merely a product of her feeling threatened in her position as his mother. It was never based on anything real. I was never EVER a real threat and neither was he. It was just her insecurities plaguing her. Until the end of time and beyond, she was always going to be his mother and hold that place in his heart. So if she could behave that way based on an imagined threat, picture how she would behave when faced with a real one?

She later sent my husband an email saying she wanted to meet with him to discuss a custody situation for him to stay. He was initially kind of open to trying to talk to her because he wanted to avoid court as much as possible. But when my husband told me that I asked him…

Me: Do you really think that’s a good idea? You know how she is. I don’t think anything should be discussed that’s not in writing because if things go left and there are any issues it will be your word against hers. Maybe you should have that conversation in an email so it’s all in writing… I also feel like email will give you time to think in between responses. Sometimes the things you say to her to get her to shut up backfire. This isn’t a situation where you should make promises you have no intention on keeping just to get your way. Let’s not forget how she’s used your words against you in every other conversation you’ve ever had with her before.

I could tell he was reliving all the conversations he’d had with her and really thinking about what I’d said. He decided in the end to send her an email saying he’d prefer to have the conversation via email.

I knew she wouldn’t be happy he didn’t want to meet with her but I didn’t expect her to send back the next email she did. Apparently, she didn’t only want to discuss custody. She also wanted to discuss what she termed as “deep issues” our son supposedly had with us… and there it was. The ulterior motive. Funny how she didn’t mention that in the first email. Had he agreed he would’ve had no idea what he was walking into. Furthermore, what “deep issues” could she possibly be talking about? We were curious so as soon as she sent the email we called him out to talk. If he was really having a difficult time in our home we wanted to know. We showed him what she said and asked him what she meant by that and he looked so confused…

He said he had no idea what she was talking about and the only things he’d mentioned to her were a few small issues such as wanting to have his own room, feeling like at times his dad coached him too hard, and other normal things like that. But nothing anyone would categorize as a deep issue.

After we talked to him my husband responded to her email. He told her our son claimed to have no idea what she was talking about and because of that, he wanted her to explain what these deep issues were. But she refused to tell him anything at all insisting she would only talk to him in person and the fact that he felt this could all be discussed in an email is ridiculous. I thought that was weird. Why not just tell him what the issues were so he could decided as well if he felt it needed an in person conversation? If she was truly concerned then she would’ve told him at least SOMETHING but she didn’t. I remember thinking at the time she was full of it and couldn’t think of anything legitimate fast enough that would warrant being called a “deep issue”. To me it seemed like she was trying to have him walk into a conversation blind. Nonetheless, if she was moving out of state and leaving our son with us, she deserved to ask questions that would make her feel more comfortable about it.

So my husband agreed to meet with her as long as I was present as well. If our son had issues concerning OUR home then that included me. But of course this request set her off. She was adamant I NOT be apart of any conversation even though it was about MY HOME. Weird considering if he stayed he would be left in my care as well. By this point we’d both gathered that what she’d actually wanted to talk about had little to do with our son and more to do with her and him. Almost like she wanted closure before she left. Closure she couldn’t get if I was there. It appeared she was doing what she did best. Manipulating and embellishing. Now, is it possible our son wasn’t being all the way forthcoming with us? Of course. However, given who we were dealing with and all we’d had to deal with in the past, we just didn’t put it pass her to exaggerate or lie. She’d shown time and time again the type of person she was. We knew better. Not to mention, imagine we ever had the nerve to approach her and ask to discuss her household with her because our son had an issue with it. She would laugh in our face and tell us her household was none of our business!

I often joke with my close friends that I have a Ph.D. in reading people. Anyone who knows me well knows this to be true. I can read anyone. Your energy will tell on you every. single. time. I see the unseen and I read very well between the lines. So because of this, although her skills were high school graduate at best, I knew in certain instances she wasn’t dumb. She knew we argued about her and because of Bee and potentially Tee, she had a little more insight into why. She knew those arguments centered around his leniency with her in times she just needed to be checked. She knew when backed against the wall he would say and agree to almost anything and she DEFINITELY knew in this particular instance, with the risk of losing his son on the table, she could potentially get more out him.

As long as she was dealing with the inexperienced, she too had no problem reading between the lines. Like I said, high school graduate at best. But most importantly, I knew the purpose of this conversation was to gain ammunition for future use. He’d made that mistake before. There was not a chance in hell he’d do it again. They were never going to agree on anything and it would’ve gone to court anyway. It would’ve been extremely careless of him to engage in ANY sort of custody conversations with her without a lawyer or mediator being present and documenting everything back and forth in writing. But I guess she thought he could be so dumb. We’d never been able to agree or figure anything out with her so why would this be any different?

He told her he didn’t feel comfortable meeting with her alone and there was nothing they needed to discuss that I couldn’t be there for. Of course, this upset her so she did what any hit dog would do. She hollered. She accused him of being difficult, said he was always trying to make things hard and that she’d always been “accommodating”… A joke I see.

Her: “Don’t contact me anymore. We can do everything through court!” 

You would think for her own protection she’d want the conversation in writing as well but it was apparent that was not where her mind was nor her intention. This was merely the gist of what she’d said of course, but if she couldn’t have a conversation with both of us and she found that request to be a problem, then I agreed. She knew she couldn’t play me nor him with me there. We didn’t trust her. Why was it so important she talk to him alone…? However, the way she would tell this story moving forward would be he refused to speak to me so I had no choice but to go to court. A lie obviously. Nonetheless, shortly after, we would be served. In her declaration she viciously and callously talked about my children. My blood ran cold. I too was a Mother who would do ANYTHING to protect and defend her children. They were kids who had nothing to do with this and yet here she was trying to exploit them for her own personal gain. Hate took a hold of me, cradled me like its favorite child and at that moment I felt it. I hated her and I wanted to destroy her.