My Biggest Lessons In 2020

Plans? What are plans?

I think if 2020 taught us anything it’s when we make plans God laughs… Not in a sinister sense though, lol. I’m sure we ALL came into this year with so many plans, goals, and ideas of what we wanted everything to be. Only see it all come crashing down with the words LockDown. Personally, I had a goal this year to not only grow my channel and social media presence but to also say yes to more networking opportunities. I started this year off doing exactly that by attending my first event. A party for the launch of a new Becca Cosmetics product. I remember thinking to myself how great it felt because social situations surrounded by new people give me a special type of anxiety. Yet I pushed through it, went anyway, and had an amazing time! That was January. Shortly after, everything would get shut down completely, along with my hope to accomplish anything I’d set out to do. But it’s funny. Even as I write this I realize I actually did accomplish my goal. I just didn’t accomplish it in the way I’d pictured I would. I did video collaborations with some amazing ladies, connected with and became social media friends with others I’d been watching for a while. With networking being the initial intention I’d set for this year I guess you could say I more than accomplished it. I even landed some amazing ongoing brand deals this year with companies I love! All of this has taught me to set goals and intentions, not plans. While plans can fall through, your intentions for the year seem to always work out.

Dump out the basket full of eggs and 

spread them out

I don’t know about you but I’ve definitely been guilty of putting all of my eggs into one basket. I think we all have a tendency to do this if only for the sake of stability and consistency. However, this year, companies we always thought would be around struggled, laid off, and completely shut down. I was even furloughed from my job for a few months. I’m pretty sure this unexpected change shook some people to the core. Shook their faith and gave them a sense of self-doubt. Understandably so… I personally had a day of feeling so sad and unsure but, the next day I pulled myself out of it and saw it as the opportunity it was. I’d been saying for the last year how much I had wished I could make social media my full-time job and here I was being given the PAID opportunity to do just that. You see, I’d had my eggs spread out all along by having multiple streams of income. Focusing on my channel and social media presence gave me purpose and something to focus on at a time when most people around me felt lost. It was the biggest blessing in disguise. It gave me great insight into what being a full-time influencer would be like and I learned a lot.

Find joy in the little things

At times we can make a habit of focusing too much on the bigger picture when the smaller details are just as important. If you really think about it, the bigger picture wouldn’t exist if not for the small details that bring it all together. During 2020 this is how I found joy. I did personally deal with a few family losses this year but I would focus on one or even several small things a day and take joy in that. My health, a fridge full of food, enjoying a really good meal, spending time with my family, remembering an old favorite song and listening to it on repeat, or even just reading a good book. My biggest joy was being blessed enough to not have to see my husband or children sick in a hospital somewhere. I really sympathize with those who had to deal with that in any capacity. A positive outlook is something you have to proactively work at. Finding joy is what has kept me mentally healthy and I almost feel guilty for coming to the end of this year feeling unaffected for the most part. That alone is a blessing I thank God for daily. I know my saying that may not sit right with some people but I’m going to say it anyway because it’s true for me. This year has affected me positively in many ways and I’m happy I can say that.

Find what you value and give time to 

that

All of that to bring me to my next lesson. Really focus on what you value and give more of your time to it. How you choose to spend your time plays a HUGE role in your overall mental health. If you value feeling healthy, spend more of your time researching how to be the healthiest you can be, exercising, getting fresh air, eating healthy, and modifying your meal plans. If you value peace, spend more of your time figuring out what brings you peace and then create a peaceful space to take a breath. If family brings you joy, make more FaceTime calls, organize family zoom meetings, figure out how to cultivate the feeling of connection. When you spend more time on things that truly bring value and joy to your life it takes up space and hugs the holes deep in your heart.

Baby steps still move you forward

For some of us, this year brought many of our plans to a screeching halt. When you’re a goal-driven or focused person this can be devastating. But there is one thing I want you to remember. Baby steps still move you forward. It’s ok to have to alter your plans a bit as long as you are still working towards your goal. Some years we inevitably reach goals faster than others. The important part is getting up, sidestepping, or getting your balance after being knocked down. There will always be obstacles. The sooner you realize this the easier it will be to cope when things don’t go your way. Sometimes an obstacle is God’s way of diverting you to a path that will get you to your goals sooner OR safer. Whatever you do, keep making progress and keep going no matter how small the steps forward seem to be. Eventually, you will get there.

There is a lesson attached to everything. Write it

down.

I’ve been learning this lesson for years but this is the year it was finally brought home for me. When I first started writing my Blended Series I wrote it as a form of therapy for myself. I wasn’t even sure I would share it until I started thinking about all the different lessons I’d learned from those situations over the years. I also thought about how helpful it would’ve been for me if there were a manual of do’s and do NOT do’s at the time I was going through it all. When I posted my YouTube video talking about what I’d been going through with my bonus son’s mom and court I was astonished at how many comments I’d gotten with similar stories and some even worse. Writing my blog helped me put many things in perspective and I knew had I come across something like it when it was happening to me it definitely would’ve helped. Every time I wrote a story I was able to see a piece of the bigger picture, things I would’ve done differently, and new choices I would make moving forward.

…And the truth shall set you free

The Blended Saga (as my friends started to lovingly call it) had been my life for 10 years by the time I decided to write about it. What I hadn’t realized is it had been affecting me for just as long. With every story that went live I’d feel lighter. I began to realize it was the feeling of being set free by the truth. The truth was the key to the mental prison I’d been living in. I’d gone years staying quiet while being lied on, called a home-wrecker, defamed to other people and all while being bad mouthed to our son to save my husband from being drugged in and out of court for custody. My husband and I stayed quiet for just as long to our son about all the things she’d been doing to us for fear of how he’d view his mother and possibly us for telling the truth. The moment we told him the truth with proof and I wrote the last sentence to the last story in the blended series, I felt a freedom I never thought I would. All the inner turmoil I’d felt throughout the years wondering how I was viewed because of the lies she’d told evaporated. I no longer cared. The truth WITH proof was out there for anyone to see. I had nothing left to prove. She could deny it all she wanted until she was blue in the face but the receipts don’t lie. With every story I wrote I found myself letting go. Holding in the truth especially at the expense of defending yourself can keep you bound like rope with no knot to untie. But hear me good when I say this... There is freedom in the truth.

Sometimes people change and sometimes they don’t

You have to know when to give people an opportunity to change and when to recognize they probably never will. I think we all change in many ways as the years go by but there are certain traits, ideas and characteristics that will remain with us forever. Giving people the benefit of doubt will take you far at times. But giving too much can be detrimental to YOU. Finishing my Blended series would be followed by a message from my husband’s ex-wife demanding we have a FaceTime conversation that would quickly go south. I don’t know why I was even surprised considering I’d been listening to her call me all kinds of bitches and other vulgar names that entire morning to our son on the phone. However, I decided to give her the benefit of doubt and have the conversation for our son. Along with yelling, screaming and calling me many bitches to my face, she’d deny ever saying or doing any of the things I’d wrote about, including stalking me across my social media platforms. There is proof she did just as I said, including the actual photo she’d stolen from my wedding album of our son to use as her profile picture. Yet, with her husband on the phone, she would deny doing any of it. Even when faced with proof she’d drive her lie into the ground while the pieces fell off behind her. This would be the moment I realize she would never change. She was damaged. That volatile nature was who she is. She was never going to take any responsibility for her actions or choices and that was ok. Then and there I decided in the absence of a divine miracle, God coming down to look me in my face and telling me to do it, I would never have another conversation with this woman again.

But the sauce won’t taste the same

Stay true to yourself always! Growing up I’ve always been different. Where others wanted to fit in, I always took pride in standing out. Of course, there were those I looked up to and admired qualities about but I didn’t want to be like anyone. My differences came across most in my creativity and fashion. The number of crazy looks I would get through grade school because I’d decided to wear an adventurous outfit are too many to count. I will admit there were times I’d question my choices when I would get a “What are you wearing?” comment but that would soon dissipate the moment I saw them recreating my same outfit from months prior because it was now on-trend. This is when I truly learned to embrace all of myself and have confidence in my ideas. People can try to emulate you all day long but the sauce won’t hit the same. A person who steals thoughts and ideas from others becomes exposed in the absence of their muse. Embrace who you are and walk in it. When you are true to yourself you remind people of NO ONE.

Happiness is more fulfilling than 

revenge

I say this from experience. One thing I have noticed about myself is my vengeful streak can be vicious. If I feel wronged WATCH OUT! This quality has taken many years to tame but I have discovered revenge brings me no closer to joy and happiness. At the end of the day, the best revenge is to progress in life, grow, learn, and be happy. When you focus your energy inwards the negative noise tends to fall away. I’ve had many moments this year where I had to check my vengeful spirit. This is just me being real and honest. I don’t know about you but I’m not perfect. Every time I would turn the focus to my inner happiness so many opportunities and other amazing things would come my way. Karma leaves no one unscathed. But you have to be careful of crossing paths with her just to stick it to someone else. People always get what they deserve good or bad so stay on the good side of things. You’ll be thankful later.

Invest in yourself

And I don’t mean buying an expensive handbag. I don’t know why this is the hardest thing for us to do sometimes but it’s necessary to get further in life. I think something that goes neglected way too often is investing in ourselves. We should constantly be growing, learning, and obtaining new skills to help us get to where we want to go. I learned to truly do this when I started my YouTube channel. I needed something to film on, editing software, lighting, and the skill to bring it all together. All money and time but I had goals. Shopping would have been fun in the moment but it would’ve gotten me no closer to where I wanted to be. I invested and it paid off. This year I finally bought my business name and turned it into an LLC. It was expensive but I knew it was a necessary next step in the plans I have for my future. I encourage you to do whatever it takes to invest in yourself and your future. Pay for that class, get licensed, enroll to get that degree you’ve been procrastinating on. The cemetery is full of lost dreams and what would have been successful business ideas. Don’t let your dreams die with you. Invest in yourself.

Manifestation is real but so is 

discipline

“Luck Is What Happens When Preparation Meets Opportunity". -Seneca. I’ve always known this to be true sort of… But I REALLY learned the meaning of this just a short 2 weeks ago. There was this company I had been wanting to work with but I had no clue on how to proceed to get their attention. I waited for months hoping some how, some way they’d miraculously reach out but they never did. I finally went to their Instagram, realized I wasn’t following them, and hit follow. I wanted to keep up with what they had going on. I kid you not, the VERY NEXT DAY I had an email in my inbox from them requesting to work together. I was floored. Speaking things into existence and setting your intentions play a huge role in the opportunities that come your way. The Bible speaks clearly to “Write the vision and make it plain” (Habakkuk 2:2). It also says "Death and life are in the power of the tongue…” (Proverbs 18:21). I believe discipline also plays a key role. I know none of it would’ve happened had I not been prepared and disciplined enough to put in the work up to this point. So write your vision down, speak life into what you want, exercise discipline, and put in the work to get there.

Eventually, it will all make sense 

Last but not least I want you to know everything you are going through will eventually make sense. This year SO MUCH I had been dealing with for years finally came full circle. It’s hard to see through it all to the end when you are going through it but everything has a purpose. There is this verse “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” Romans 8:28 and I believe this to be true on such a deeper level this year. I have seen so many dots connect and the reason behind it all, this year more than ever. In those times where you find yourself questioning your purpose and questioning everything you are going through I want you to find the lesson in it all. Nothing we go through is “just because”. It all has a purpose. Dig deep and even when it’s hard understand, it will eventually make sense.

Wishing you all a wonderful, prosperous New Year filled with joy, happiness, love and peace. Stay tuned… I have so much more to give and so do YOU!