“Aug 31, 2009 - “I met HER today and it was the most horrible feeling you ever want to experience...”  -Ex Wife

I met her 6 months into our relationship in August 2009. Up to this point every time he picked up his son he got 20 questions about me. The poor kid got at least 40. She even tried unsuccessfully asking him for hugs and affection during these pick ups or if he’d like to come in [insert eye roll]. It’s like she was obsessed with trying to figure out who I was, who “stole her family” and if she could steal him back. I had to deal with her calling him at all hours of the night. I’m convinced she called just to figure out if I was there or not. One night in particular in a very sleepy haze he answered.  She started with “Can we talk?” followed by “What do you see in her that you don’t see in me?”. Does anyone ever REALLY want the honest answer to that question? I don’t even remember what he told her but the conversation didn’t last long. He hung up. I finally got so tired of it that I decided to answer the next middle of the night “blocked” call. No one ever said anything but coincidentally after that they stopped. For a while at least…

One morning we got a call. His ex wife’s mother got a flat tire on her way to work. You know who she called? She called my husband. Yea, I have the same question in my head that you do. It’s not like they were close. So the first question I had in my head was WHY? By this time his ex knew his routine was to leave work and come straight to me. Ironically the call came while he was with me. After going back an forth about it we finally BOTH hopped into the car to go help her mom. My youngest son was only 1 at the time so we packed him up with us and left. We figured we’d just go to his place after since we’d be so close. By this time it was about 10:30AM. I smelled a set up. I was pretty sure she’d be there and there was no way I was letting him walk into that one alone. Based on all the stories I’d ever heard about her I was convinced there would be some type of fight when we finally met. I knew I would inevitably see her just a few days later in a very public place and my kids would be with me so I figured let’s just get this reaction out of the way now while no one else is here. As expected she was there and while it was expected I still couldn’t help but think it. WHY was she there??? In the back of my mind though I knew...

At the time I lived about 30 mins away from his apartment. His ex wife lived 15 mins further than I did in a neighboring city pass mine, making it about 45 mins for her. Her mom’s car had broken down 2 exits away from where he lived. On one hand I thought, hasn’t she ever heard of AAA? On the other hand I knew he was right. Helping her would be the right thing to do. She was after all his son’s grandmother. She’d never done anything wrong to him. However, with his ex wife living 45 mins away and knowing NOTHING about changing a tire, I did wonder why exactly she was there… Clearly there was nothing she could do to help. Their son went to school 5 minutes away from where my husband lived but he would have long been dropped of by this time. Like I said before, we left close to 10:30AM and it was about 11AM when we got there. My gut instinct that something was off was correct. I don’t know what she thought would happen afterward but she definitely did not expect for me to show up.

“He didn’t even have the decency to tell anyone he was bringing her.” -Ex Wife

She seemed upset that he didn’t announce I was coming but correct me if I’m wrong. Was SHE even suppose to be there in the first place? Did he need to announce anything AT ALL when HE was the one coming to help? Anyway, we pulled up right behind her mom’s car and she was standing right there. He said under his breath “There she is…” I have to say, she looked nothing at all like I envisioned. We were polar opposites. I waited in the car with my son as he got out. He walked to the front of her mom’s car and got to work. He said hello to her mother but it looked like he barely said a word to her. As he was changing the flat she was standing at the front of the car looking down at him. I couldn’t make out exactly what she was saying but her mouth was moving. Apparently she kept saying to him “Are you going to introduce me to her?”.

Let’s take a pause right here to ponder a question I have asked myself a few times:

• Looking back, would I still have chosen to meet her at this point?

The answer to that is probably not. The second she met me is when things took a turn for the worse. All of a sudden, not only did she have one face to aim her anger at, now she had two. So, looking back I probably would have put off meeting her for a little while longer if I could help it. Realistically however, that was probably as good as it was going to get. We were in the process of blending our family so things were changing. My 24 year old self also thought: I’m sick of her calling him. I’m sick of her pursuing him. She needs to realize he’s done with her and has moved on. I wanted her meeting me to drive that point home and BOY did it. Just not the way I expected.

When he was done putting on the spare he walked over to my side of the car and told me what she’d said. He said he’d told her he would ask me first to make sure it was ok. I of course thought SURE! No time like the present. Let’s get this over with. He waved her and her mom over and he introduced us. I held out my hand to her and said “Hello.” and smiled. She shook my hand, eyed me up and down and said “Nice to meet you.”. If looks could kill. Her voice was dry and she had the most sour expression I’d ever seen. She might as well have said screw you. That was it. Conversation done. At that time I use to wear a ring that was my mother’s on my ring finger as a deterrent. I hated having men approach me in public (which use to happen often) so wearing the ring helped prevent that. She took one look at that ring, my one year old son in the backseat and I could see the wheels turning. It was like “Assumptions!? Take flight!” ::in my military voice:: Assuming, as you will see, would present itself to be the biggest problem to her mental detriment moving forward. She went back to her mom’s car and we left. Before we even got a solid block away she called him. He answered thinking it might be something wrong with the tire. It wasn’t.

Her: “Are you engaged to her?”

Him: “No.”

Her: “Oh. She’s really pretty.”

Him: “Thank you.” and with that he hung up. But not before he could hear her mom say, “Are you ok?”

When he hung up I looked over to where she was. She was sitting in the drivers side of the car, feet on the pavement, elbows on her knees with her head hanging down.

THAT my friends is exactly how Karma looks when she hits you…