Blended: She's Stalking My Ex?
“If the enemy of my enemy is my friend, then a friend of my enemy, is my enemy.”
Trying to figure out why people do the things they do will leave you frustrated, more often than not, every single time. That is where I would find myself. Even after the last text conversation we had, I still couldn’t figure out why she was refusing to send these shoes back. I was infuriated. I really wanted this whole situation to not bother me as much as it did, but I couldn’t help it. Call it petty if you want but I think it was the culmination of everything that had gone on up to this point. I just couldn’t wrap my mind around her logic or the fact that she was now borderline trying to steal from my home. My husband even tried reaching out to her to get the shoes back. Her response to him would be an accusation. According to her, the only reason we wanted them back was that he saw her wearing them. Assumptions again. Not surprising. However, that couldn’t have been further from the truth. As I’ve said before, my husband barely looked her in the face when he HAD to speak to her, much less what she was wearing. If asked, he wouldn’t even be able to tell you what color her shirt was or if she had her hair up or down. She was quite literally a blur to him. He definitely wouldn’t have noticed what shoes she was wearing. Yet, here she was trying yet again to make an argument to keep something that did not belong to her.
During this time, within days of this incident, my children’s father and I would also get into a huge argument. When it rains it pours. I was pretty sure that because of everything else I was dealing with, my attitude and patience weren’t where it should have been. He had no clue what was going on. One of our disagreements would blow up and we would both do something we never should have done. Take that argument to social media. We both still regret that poor choice. It wouldn’t stay up for long but it would be all my husband’s ex-wife needed to attack. Apparently, not only was she still stalking me on social media, but she was now stalking my children's father too. I wish I could see your reaction when I say what I’m about to say next but she would take this opportunity to reach out and send MY KIDS Father a message. I do wonder if her husband was all for this extremely weird behavior or if he had no clue at all. I mean think about it. What man would want his wife reaching out to another woman’s ex? Not only that but her ex-husband’s NEW WIFE’S ex? I swear I couldn’t make this up if I tried…
What she failed to understand was the dynamic of my ex and me. She expected him to have the same mentality she did. The enemy of my enemy is my friend. However, that just wasn’t the case. We’d known each other since we were 15 years old. We had 2 children together and although we weren’t still together we’d gone through A LOT to get to a good, functional, friendly place. We both wanted to be on good terms with each other for our children so we had to work at it. We may have both been at each other’s throats in that moment but family was still family. We’d eventually make up. My Ex’s new wife would play a huge role in how smoothly things operated and these types of situations were why I loved and respected her so much. If necessary, she would reach out to me and quite literally help my kids father and I squash any beef we had. If she wasn’t the type of woman she was, a lot of our arguments would probably go on much longer than they needed to. Imagine I treated her the way my husband’s ex-wife treated me and had the same mentality as she?
Anyway, when she reached out to my kids' father he would call to let me know and tell me everything that had been said. Even HE knew not to cross that line and engage in a conversation with her. Although he suspected it was her, he couldn’t be sure because she sent the message from a fake account. In the message she brought up the falling out we’d had with Bee and her husband as well as Tee and her’s. Except in her version she’d say OUR behavior had caused us to lose those friendships. Right. I knew it was her just based on those details alone. But fed up to the max, I’d decide to confront her about it. How DARE she contact my children’s father and try to involve herself in a situation that had nothing to do with her? At this point, I had no doubt the lows she would stoop to. Where must she be mentally to think that was ever ok? This is the exact behavior that only my husband and I had been privy to all these years. No one else in our circle could quite understand the full picture of why we felt about her the way we did. These were the stories we didn’t tell because I mean, how could we? In what context would we even bring it up or it be relevant? What was she hoping to accomplish by having a conversation with my ex? Pause and really think about that and comment your thoughts and opinions below.
I’d text her and ask if she could give me a call and she would within the hour. When I got on the phone with her, I’d ask as if I knew it to be fact, why she had contacted my ex? Why even give her an out? I knew it was her.
Me: “I just want to know… In what world are you living that you think it’s ok to contact my children’s father? You don’t know him and he definitely has no clue who you are.”
Her: “It’s not about that. I saw his post on facebook about wanting to see his kids and I felt bad so I reached out. I’m a Christian. When you see someone in distress it doesn’t matter if you know them or not. You should try to help.” Was she serious?
Me: “Do you even hear how crazy you sound? HOOOOOW would you even have seen what he posted on Facebook in the first place??? What? Are you stalking him now like you stalk me?”
She paused for second. You could tell she hadn’t really thought this one out. The last thing I think she expected was for him to tell me about the message, let alone me have the guts to actually confront her about it. Yet again, she’d treated him like she did all these other track and football mom’s, SO SURE her manipulative, sociopathic antics would fly under the radar. Like she’d kee-kee and ha-ha with my ex and he’d just hand her all the dirt she’d need to throw in my face at a later date.
Her: “We have a mutual friend and I saw his post through them.”
Bullshit.
Me: “Listen, let me make myself clear and I mean CRYSTAL CLEAR. Don't you ever in your life contact my children’s father again or we are going to have a REAL problem. He is MARRIED. His WIFE has no clue who you are and I won’t have you causing problems between them because you can’t mind your own business. I don’t care if you feel he was in distress or not. It is not your place EVER to contact him. That is MY Ex and MY situation. I’m not married to YOU. So how anything goes on that end does not involve or concern YOU.” It was everything I could do not to scream.
Her: “If I see someone struggling then as a Christian I’m going to try and help.”
Again, I still couldn’t wrap my mind around her logic. Was she seriously trying to take this story and run with it? Did her mind seriously not comprehend how inappropriate her actions were?
Me: Voice low because I didn’t want to yell. “I’m going to say it again. Don’t you ever. He doesn’t want to be contacted by you and his wife didn’t appreciate it either. You literally look like a psychopath that you even THINK that was ok. But moving on from that, when do you plan on sending those shoes back?" Might as well get it all of my chest.
That question would turn into an hour-long conversation. She didn’t see anything wrong with trying to keep the shoes. She thought it to be perfectly normal. I could now fully imagine exactly what WBF meant. She’d managed to spin a story to her own psyche juuuust so, that she was undeniably CONVINCED of everything she said. It was like watching someone who didn’t even realize how crazy they looked, try to explain that they weren’t crazy. Something I’ve never quite witnessed before to this extent. I even asked her why she was constantly stalking my Facebook and Instagram to which she would respond…
Her: “I’m curious. My son also lives there too. Of course I want to know and see what’s going on.” It was amazing to me how logical she could make that sound.
Me: “I literally post nothing but outfits, shoes and my husband and I kissing. HOW does this tell you anything about our home, when if you were THAT curious all you had to do was ask?” she had no answer. “I also find it strange that you’re constantly asking your son about where I shop and what I buy. How is that your business?” Again, no good response. Just a subject change.
It didn’t matter how much logic you used when talking to her. If someone is convinced their abnormal behavior is normal, then there is nothing you can say to make them see otherwise. Anyone who disagrees with them becomes the enemy too. An hour later this conversation would finally end with her agreeing to send the shoes back and us being at peace and cool…. for the moment. She had to be insane if she thought I believed her for one second. But sure, I’d play. I knew it would only be a matter of time before she messed everything up again and after all she’d shown me, I now had no guilt thinking it.
When the shoes finally came back 2 days later I couldn’t even look at mine. Every time I went to wear them all I thought about was the stupid, insane situation that had occurred behind them. So I decided to sell them on Poshmark. I also figured it would be a good time to sell a few other pairs of shoes I wasn’t wearing as well. I listed both pairs of Nike’s first, then moved through the rest of my closet to see what else I could sell.
I decided to look up some other shoes I had and what I might be able to sell them for. First, were the Steve Madden’s she’d told me she wanted to get. I was pretty over them at this point and had no problem selling them on. I looked up the style name and about 20 populated. I looked through each one checking for price and interest and do you know what I noticed? Under every single pair in her size, she’d expressed interest in getting them. She’d actually ended up buying the black pair I had after all. Funny how she never wore them around me or publicly acknowledged getting them. That sealed it for me. SOLD.
On to the next pair. Saw decent interest. Listed those. Then I went through a few more. This is when my blood started running cold. She’d commented, liked and expressed interest in about 8 or 9 other pairs of shoes that were currently sitting in my closet. 1-2 pairs, ok… Maybe we have similar tastes. But 8 or 9!? That was no coincidence. That was intentional. There is not that much coincidence in the world! These were the weird little things that kept happening and were so hard to explain to other people. All shoes I’d posted on my socials over time with no brand names attached. Do you know the kind of work involved in finding a shoe on Poshmark when you have no idea of the brand or style name? Take my red BCBG suede strappy heels I had.
I’d posted them but never tagged the brand they were. She would literally have had to type red suede heel or red suede strappy high heel and sort through the pages and pages of results before hopefully finding or coming to the correct ones. She must have spent HOURS trying to find these shoes. The moment I realized what she’d been doing, not only was I beyond weirded out but a lot also made so much more sense. Was she trying to build a replica shoe collection of my own? What in the actual HELL was this woman doing?? Were we back to “Single White Female” status? I wasn’t about to sell off my entire shoe collection just because she wanted them. This was ridiculous. I listed a few more and closed the app out. I never regretted introducing her to Poshmark more than in that very moment. I would soon find that this interest also extended into clothing items as well. This was around the start of my YouTube Channel and when I’d change my content and kick thrifting into high gear. I’d post my very first Thrift Haul shortly after. Not only was I tired of being copied by her, I was generally tired of seeing the same fashion EVERYWHERE. What better way to remain an individual than thrifting? I was creatively bored and wanted to be inspired by something different… So, I guess in a way everything has a purpose. If not for this very frustrating scenario, my channel content would possibly be different today.
I was beginning to see this was all out of my league. This wasn’t like dealing with a normal person. She needed serious therapy. It was quite a realization to see how someone could appear so completely normal, but have all of these underlying, very disturbing traits, beneath the surface. How did you handle someone who was clearly mentally unstable but had no idea they were? How did you explain to someone how weird their behavior was, when they thought it was perfectly normal? This made me wonder… Should I actually be scared of this woman? Was this a Lifetime Movie waiting to happen?